Labyrinth Science Theater 1300
by Libby Sarah
Summary: Dr. Jareth traps Labyrinth-lovers on his Satellite of Labyrinth and makes them read crappy fanfics...
1. LST1300 Theme Song

In the dim and foreboding future  
  
13 o'clock AD  
  
There was a girl named Elizabeth  
  
But for short, Libby  
  
She watched the movie Labyrinth again and again  
  
Seemed her Labyrinth obsession would never end  
  
She wished herself to the Underground  
  
But Jareth took her wish and he turned it around  
  
He sends her crappy fanfics  
  
The worst he can find (Tra la la)  
  
Now Libby will have to sit and read  
  
While he plays with her mind  
  
But Libby doesn't have to suffer alone  
  
On this peach floating in space  
  
`Cause she has her Laby pals  
  
To get in Jareth's face  
  
*Labyrinthian roll-call!*  
  
Libby Sarah (call me Libby)  
  
Crystal Ball (Watch the language!)  
  
Ambi Rocious (You're all perverts!)  
  
Brooooook! (Hot Topic rules!)  
  
If you're wondering how she stands the wait  
  
For getting off this peach  
  
Keep in mind it is a sock  
  
Libby's goal is within reach  
  
On Labyrinth Science Theater 1300  
  
*BOES noise* 


	2. Two of Hearts

Disclaimer: I don't own the story "Two of Hearts". Nogara-chan does, and he's/she's welcome to it. This was all done in fun. Enjoy!  
  
(The SOL is quiet, except for the occasional giggle from Libby. She's reading her latest Card Captor Sakura manga. Ambi is playing with a ball of string in the corner. Crys is mouthing a play; possibly Labyrinth.)  
  
LIBBY: *giggles*  
  
AMBI: All right, that's it! What's so funny?  
  
LIBBY: Sakura said that Ms. Mitzuki makes her feel `floaty' again! Hayanaaa!  
  
CRYS: Again?  
  
AMBI: What's so great about Mitzuki Kaho anyway?  
  
LIBBY: What do you mean, what's so great about her?!  
  
CRYS: Uh, Ambi, you may be crossing the line there...  
  
AMBI: No, really! Name one good thing about `Ms. MacKenzie'?  
  
LIBBY: Her clothes, her shoes, her bubbliness, her mysteriousness, her magical abilities, her bell--AMBI: *laughs*  
  
LIBBY: Roscious, you're goin' down!  
  
*The lights flash just before Libby lunges at Ambi.*  
  
CRYS: Great, it's Yue again.  
  
AMBI: Don't you start!  
  
(Jareth and his annoying grin appear on the hexfield.)  
  
JARETH: The three of you seem to fight an awful bloody lot.  
  
AMBI: It couldn't possibly be because all we ever do around here is watch crappy movies and read crappy fanfics!  
  
LIBBY: They're not all bad. (To Crys) Remember `Hockey Night In Tokyo'?  
  
CRYS: Hee hee. Yeah.  
  
JARETH: LADIES! Ahem. Today's fic is entitled "Two of Hearts" by Nogara-chan. It's a Card Captor Sakura Lemon.  
  
LIBBY: AGHHH! Rini's Change Of Fortune! *whimpers*  
  
JARETH: Ah, yes, the work of fan fiction that scarred her for life. *rolls his eyes*  
  
CRYS: Hey, YOU try reading a fic where the general plot is good but there's someone's doing the nasty every chapter!  
  
JARETH: Tough! You'll read it and you'll like it! Or not...heh heh heh...  
  
*the klaxons go off*  
  
LIBBY: Crap, we've got Fanfic Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiign!  
  
1  
  
2  
  
3  
  
4  
  
5  
  
6  
  
...  
  
(The girls file into the theater; Crys, Libby, and Ambi from left to right.)  
  
LIBBY: Those kids are too young to be involved in a lemon! They're only 10!  
  
AMBI: We can get through this, Libby. Stay peachy.  
  
Two of Hearts  
by Nogara-chan...  
Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura and characters belong to their owners(CLAMP). I am only screwing with them   
  
ALL: AGHHHH!  
  
so don't sue me!  
  
CRYS: (Lawyer) You're goin' down!  
  
Rating: R/NC-17  
  
AMBI: Ha ha! Only Libby's old enough to read this! *she and Crys get up but the sirens go off and they sit back down*  
  
LIBBY: Bite me.  
  
Summary: I'm not really an Eriol/Tomoyo fan;  
  
LIBBY: I'm not really a Lemon fan. Looks like we're in the same boat.  
  
Tomoyo always strikes me as too stuck on Sakura and kinda gay  
  
LIBBY: YOU EVER HEAR OF "ADORATION"? HUH?  
  
CRYS: Settle down...  
  
while even though he looks ten, Eriol's an adult.  
  
LIBBY: Or half the reincarnation of Clow Reed...  
  
AMBI: Details, details!  
  
I never read the manga  
  
CRYS: (muttering) Obviously.  
  
so I don't know but there's no sign anywhere of these two getting together. Gomen nasai.  
  
LIBBY: Translation: I'm very sorry I wrote this fic.  
  
While I love these two separately, as a couple I don't see it. But let's say ten, fifteen years after the anime they met and  
  
CRYS: Had a nice cup of coffee together.  
  
AMBI: Let's hope so.  
  
...this is my apology to E/T fans as well as CCS fans. Enjoy.  
  
LIBBY: Some apology...  
1 more thing: OVER 18 only!!!!  
  
AMBI: Funny how it had an NC-17 rating before.  
  
and if you would like to archive this story, please email me at nogara28@yahoo.com and  
  
CRYS: (Nogara-chan) Flame me for eternity.  
  
let me know what website so I can visit! Arrigoto!  
  
LIBBY: Let's at least attempt to spell the word right!  
----------------------------------------------------  
  
CRYS: This is where I draw the line.  
  
AMBI: It's been done.  
In the beginning there was a kiss.  
  
LIBBY: Then there was Calvin!  
  
An innocent kiss that led to a door that opened a place   
  
CRYS: In the house that Jack built.  
  
where neither one of them knew existed.  
  
LIBBY: I think therefore I am.  
  
At first, neither knew what to do; both were taken aback.  
  
AMBI: (SNL) Take it aback na!  
  
But suddenly it grew as natural as it could be and two old friends suddenly realized that they had a lot more in common that they thought.  
  
LIBBY: (Eriol) I'm taking Physics next year.  
  
AMBI: (Tomoyo) Me too!  
  
They used their fingers to explore each other.  
  
CRYS: (Eriol) *pointing* These are the lovely Tomoyo Mountains.  
  
AMBI: Crys!  
  
It was Tomoyo surprisingly that caressed his face and looked straight into his caring eyes. "Hiiragawsa", she sighed as she tasted him, "Eriol-kun".  
  
CRYS: (Tomoyo) Mmm, Eriol-kun, you taste like chicken!  
  
AMBI: Crys...  
  
He put a finger to her lips and led her to another room. "I've waited for years just for this".   
  
LIBBY: He pulled a Brittney Spears CD from his drawer and made Tomoyo listen to it.  
  
AMBI: (Eriol) I've waited years for this! Hahaha!  
  
CRYS: (Tomoyo) Make it stop! Make it stop!  
  
He took off her shirt and he kissed her throat. He gently laid her down on the bed and nuzzled her, sniffing in every scent of her.  
  
CRYS: Now Tomoyo comes in 5 different scents! Pearberry, Juniper Breeze, Cinnamon, Vanilla, and LEMON!  
  
LIBBY & AMBI: AGHHH!  
  
God she was beautiful,  
  
AMBI: Told you God's a girl! Pay up!  
  
CRYS: Aw, fine! *Hands Ambi 20 bucks*  
  
like a goddess;  
  
ALL: (Madona) Like a goddess....omnipotent for the very first time!  
  
she was a pretty girl years ago but grew up to be an extraordinary beauty. Her flowing dark hair made a pretty contrast against the satin sheets.  
  
LIBBY: Doesn't anyone understand that they're way too young for this? *cries*  
  
CRYS: *hugs her friend* It's okay, Libby. Remember to stay peachy.  
  
He knew now would be the time to stop before it went too far or even worse, he would lose control and regret it later.  
  
AMBI: (Eriol) If I buy any more pudding...I just know I'm going to eat it all! And then I'll get fat...and...  
  
CRYS: That was another reach.  
  
AMBI; I know.  
  
LIBBY: (Kero) Did someone say pudding?!  
  
"If you want to stop", he said gently, "I will understand   
  
LIBBY: THANK YOU!  
  
even though you are all I think about. Dream about, even." He kissed her passionately.  
  
LIBBY: Aw, shi--!  
  
CRYS: Language!  
  
"But no matter what happens, I love you. I want you badly".  
  
AMBI: (Eriol) Mommy, I want that Tomoyo! NOW!  
  
The answer she gave him was she coming up to him and whispering,   
  
LIBBY: (Tomoyo) Did you hear about Chelsea and Zachary?  
  
"If I didn't want this, I would've left a long time ago." She took her him on top of her  
  
AMBI: I'm we're very confused.  
  
and stroked his cheek.  
  
God he was beautiful.  
  
CRYS: Hey! Gimme back my $20!  
  
AMBI: Aw, fine! *hands Crys her 20 bucks*  
  
The little boy with glasses that had hung out with she, Sakura and Li-kun so long ago had  
  
LIBBY: Died a horrible and tragic death.  
  
CRYS: The fanfic's really getting to you, Libby.  
  
LIBBY: No, I just don't like Eriol.  
  
grown into a handsome man. All of those years spent loving Sakura and for what?  
  
AMBI: (Tomoyo) Sakura used to be my favorite, but now I like Kero.  
  
She married Li and moved to Hong Kong.  
  
LIBBY: That's about the only thing in this fic that really would happen.  
  
But despite all of that, Sakura would still be in her heart.  
  
ALL: (Celine Dion) My heart will go ooonnn and ooonnn!  
  
The only difference now was Sakura's loss was Eriol's gain.  
  
"So do it now", she whispered to her lover, "I love you too. Take me, like you used to take Kaho".  
  
LIBBY: WHAT THE HELL?!  
  
AMBI: Calm down and watch the language!  
  
LIBBY: *sobs*  
  
Suddenly clothes disappeared.   
  
CRYS: (singing) Boooorn free! As free as the wiiiiind blows! As free as the graaaasss grows!  
  
He played with her nipples,  
  
CRYS: (Eriol) Tag, Nipples, you're it!  
  
AMBI: Crys!  
  
making them hard while she used her hands and mouth to explore every inch of him.  
  
LIBBY: (Principal Skinner) Inch one of Eriol........no sighting.  
  
AMBI: (Bart) Uh-huh.  
  
LIBBY: (Principal Skinner) Inch two of Eriol........no sighting. Did you get that one, Bart?  
  
AMBI: (Bart) Hell no.  
  
They wrestled and she wounded up on top.  
  
CRYS: (Announcer) Tomoyo is the winner!  
  
She eased herself on him, making him moan her name.  
  
AMBI: (Eriol) Aw, Tomoyo, gross!  
  
He writhed in rhythm with her,  
  
CRYS: Feel the rhythm.  
  
feeling his blood run hot and wanted to consume everything ounce of her.  
  
CRYS: You just can't have a lemon without bad English.  
  
He arched himself to meet her  
  
LIBBY: (Eriol, arching) Hey, Madison!  
  
and they continued their dance until they became one and felt the world move.  
  
ALL: (singing) As the world falls down!  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
AMBI: I lost my number--could I have yours?  
  
LIBBY: That's such a line!  
Eriol looked at a sleeping Tomoyo and gently traced her curves with a finger,   
  
CRYS: (Teacher) Hey, no tracing!  
  
hoping to wake her up. She blinked and said sleepily, "Ohayo"(Good Morning).  
  
ALL: (Steve Holy) Good morning, beautiful, how was your night...?  
  
He nuzzled her cheek. "Ohayo", he said in a deep voice.  
  
LIBBY: (Eriol) Bow to the power that is me! MWHAHAHA!  
  
"Were you watching me sleep?"  
  
AMBI: (Eriol) Why the hell would I do something that stupid after sex?  
  
LIBBY & CRYS: @_@  
  
AMBI: Sorry, sorry...  
  
"I like watching you sleep. I like being near you", he turned Tomoyo over gently and laid  
  
CRYS: A slice of bacon over her.  
  
on top of her, careful not to hurt her.  
  
LIBBY: (Tomoyo) That's the bad man that hurt me, mommy!  
  
He smiled lustily as he stroked her cheek.  
  
AMBI: `Lustily'?  
  
"I want some more",   
  
CRYS: (Ham) You're killin' me, Smalls!  
  
Tomoyo rose up to kiss him, "I want you to teach me more".  
  
LIBBY: (Eriol) 2+2=4. Ya happy?  
  
---------------------------------------------------  
NOTE: FLamers welcome but be respectful. I know I suck.  
  
LIBBY: (Mom) Well, as long as you know.  
  
CRYS: Let's get out of here!  
  
AMBI: I second that!  
  
6  
  
5  
  
4  
  
3  
  
2  
  
1  
  
...  
  
SOL  
  
LIBBY: Now THAT was torture!  
  
AMBI: I'm sorry you had to read that, Libby. Even I thought that was too much.  
  
CRYS: I think I'm gonna be sick!  
  
*the klaxons go off*  
  
CRYS: Super. Meilin is calling again.  
  
JARETH: How did you enjoy that, ladies?  
  
LIBBY: How could you DO that to me? *cries*  
  
JARETH: I thought it was very educational. And it will prepare you for lemons to come.  
  
AMBI: You mean there are going to be more?!  
  
JARETH: After seeing the way you reacted to this one? Of course! *laughs*  
  
CRYS: We're dealing with a very evil King here.  
  
LIBBY: *still crying* No shi--  
  
*Libby pushes the button*  
  
Author's Notes: This was my first lemon fic, so I wanted to make sure it wasn't too hardcore. It's not fun to weed through lemons to find one that's "nice". *whimpers*  
  
Stinger: "So do it now", she whispered to her lover, "I love you too. Take me, like you used to take Kaho". 


	3. Hoggle's Maid

Disclaimer: I don't own the story "Hoggle's Maid". Danalas does, and she's welcome to it. This was all done in fun. Enjoy!  
  
(On the Satellite of Labyrinth, our heroes are playing a game. Libby is the host; Ambi and Crys the contestants.)  
  
LIBBY: Okay, for 200 points, who said this line: "It's not fair!"?  
  
CRYS: *rings in* Sarah!  
  
LIBBY: Correct!  
  
AMBI: Ah, but, Hoggle also uttered the very same phrase.  
  
CRYS: Why, you're right. How silly of me. So sorry.  
  
AMBI: Quite all right. Quite all right.  
  
(Libby sighs and walks to the window overlooking the Underground)  
  
LIBBY: Don't you wish we could watch Labyrinth again?  
  
AMBI: Well, I guess the game's over.  
  
CRYS: I have to have my Labyrinth fix soon or I'll go crazy! *singing* No one could blame you! For walking away!   
  
*lights flash*  
  
LIBBY: Oh, great, Alex Krychek is calling.  
  
(The hexfield opens and Jareth is seen eating a juicy peach. Libby drools.)  
  
LIBBY: *starry-eyed* Is that a Drugged Peach?  
  
JARETH: You and you Ball Room fantasies! Get over it! *clears his throat* I'm not much for chitchatting right now, so I'll make it quick. Today's fic is a little slice of Underground. It's called "Hoggle's Maid" by Danalas. Enjoy!  
  
AMBI: So Hoggle has a maid now, eh?  
  
CRYS: I guess we'll find out `cause we have FANFIC SIIIIIIGN!  
  
1  
  
2  
  
3  
  
4  
  
5  
  
6  
  
...  
  
(The girls file into the theater; Crys, Libby, and Ambi from left to right.)  
  
Hoggle's Maid by: Danalas  
  
Discliamer: I do not own Jareth, Hoggle, or anything else in the Underground. So there.  
  
CRYS: (Danalas) I can't spell `Disclaimer'. So there.  
  
A/N: Deals with the sock rumour.  
  
LIBBY: Rumor? Ha! We all know it's a sock!  
  
ALL: *laugh*  
  
JARETH: It is NOT a sock, and I'll thank you to not mention that in my presence again!  
  
*glares at evil spell check that won't let her spell American style*   
  
CRYS: You mean we actually got a fic that was spell-checked? YEA!  
  
Sarah only makes a brief cameo appearance as judge of the prank contest.  
  
AMBI: So Libby can't fawn over how great the "Infamous Sarah" is?  
  
LIBBY: Hey, shut up! Sarah's the ebola!  
  
AMBI: `Ebola'?  
  
LIBBY: Mad TV. New word for `cool'.  
  
No romance, so if that's what you want, don't come here.  
  
CRYS: Guess that means we're outta here! *tries to get out but the lights flash and she sits, pouting.*  
  
To the untrained eye, Jareth was insane.   
  
ALL: *falling out of their seats laughing*  
  
LIBBY: (in hysterics) This....is...the best...fic...ever...!  
  
JARETH: (sighing) Oh, this is going to turn out smashingly...  
  
He wasn't though.  
  
AMBI: (calming down) I beg to differ.  
  
It was the Winter Solstice, and in the Underground, that meant pranks, since the Winter Solstice in the Underground is equal to April first in the Aboveground.  
  
CRYS: Thanks for that wonderful, pointless explanation. If not for that, I might have been confused.  
  
And this year, the stakes were high.  
  
LIBBY: A guy walks into a bar--  
  
AMBI: We've all heard the "Stakes are too high" joke.  
  
LIBBY: Killjoy. *pouts*  
  
Jareth and Hoggle  
  
ALL: (singing) Sittin' in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!  
  
had a running bet for today as to who could prank whom the best by the end of the day. This, of course, was why Jareth was currently hiding behind a bush just outside the walls to the Goblin City, giggling silently to himself, and watching in the window of Hoggle's bedroom.   
  
CRYS: Ahh! Jareth's a dwarf pedophile!!  
  
If Jareth won this pranking contest, Hoggle would have to swim across the Bog of Eternal Stench. If Jareth lost, however, it meant demeaning himself by dressing up as a French maid and being maid to Hoggle.  
  
LIBBY: You don't suppose the author gave the story away there, do you?  
  
AMBI: Judging by the title, of course not.  
  
Naturally, Jareth did not want that to happen.  
  
LIBBY: I don't think we do, either.  
  
Therefore, he had gotten a very early start. As soon as Hoggle sat up, the string tied to his nose  
  
ALL: HUH?  
  
would jerk down a large bucket of eggs all over the dwarf. This lack of weight would in turn release a large pillow that would, upon hitting Hoggle, release a flury of feathers.  
  
CRYS: Flurry, even. I knew the spell-check thing was too good to be true.  
  
The trap was simple. It was silly.  
  
AMBI: It was just crazy enough to work!  
  
And it was pure genius because the poor dwarf would not be expecting to be egged and feathered at 6 in the morning,  
  
LIBBY: Neither would anyone else, for that matter.  
  
even on the Winter Solstice when he had such a bet going on with the King of the Goblins with such high stakes.   
  
AMBI: Okay, author, don't make Libby tell the joke again.  
  
LIBBY: *sticks her tongue out*  
  
Each had only one chance, and Hoggle would not be expecting Jareth to use his chance so early. That was what made the prank so perfect. It was a prank that was so perfect that only a King could pull it off. A Goblin King, that is.  
  
CRYS: Redundancy, anyone?  
  
With one final laugh, Jareth headed back to the castle to shower and try on his new tights.  
  
LIBBY: Those are some images that will keep me up tonight. *shudders*  
  
  
  
Inside, Hoggle laughed despite the egging and feathering he had just gotten.  
  
CRYS: (Hoggle) I just got egged and feathered! HA HA HA! It's good to laugh!  
  
He knew damn well Jareth had just gotten new tights, and planned on breaking them in today after his morning shower.   
  
AMBI: Wow, Hoggle must be psychic!  
  
As a result, he had been in the castle in the wee hours of the morning. In Jareth's new tights, he had placed a powder that would have some very interesting results.  
  
LIBBY: Again, an image I didn't need.  
  
  
  
An hour later, Jareth had showered, dressed with his usual flare, and just entered the throne room. The goblins stopped and stared.  
  
CRYS: (Goblin) Oh my god! Is that David Bowie?!  
  
The rumours were true. Their King did use a sock, and, apparently, he had forgotten it this morning.  
  
LIBBY: I knew it! I always knew it was a sock!  
  
JARETH: What did I say before?  
  
Jareth arched one elegant eyebrow.  
  
AMBI: (Other eyebrow) Oh, sure. Don't arch me. I'm not elegant, after all!  
  
CRYS: That was a reach.  
  
AMBI: I know.  
  
"Well?" he asked. "What are you all staring at?"  
  
LIBBY: It's Jareth. What aren't they staring at?  
  
This, of course, was too much for the goblins, who all fell laughing.  
  
ALL: (Goblins) *laughing*  
  
Looking himself over to see what was so funny, Jareth saw what had happened. His tights were now rather loose, his pride and joy having gone MIA.  
  
CRYS: (Jareth) Eagle One, the Sock is MIA. It was in the Pants, but now its nowhere to be found. Over.  
  
"HOGGLE!!"  
  
LIBBY: (Mulder) SCULLY!  
  
CRYS: (Scully) MULDER!  
  
AMBI: (Reyes) JOHN!  
  
The dwarf could hear his name being cried out and slowly made his way to the castle, laughing all the way.   
  
ALL: Ha ha ha!  
  
"Don't worry, yer majesty," he said as he entered. "The effect of the powder's only temporary. You'll only need a roll of socks for the next week!"   
  
CRYS: (Jareth) Aw, but I hate doing laundry!  
  
Jareth was fuming. He had to admit, though, that it was a rather good prank. It was time to go to the judge.  
  
LIBBY: (Yue) I am Yue, the Judge. You may use all the Cards in your possession to defeat me.  
  
A moment later, they were at Sarah's house, in her bedroom to be precise.   
  
ALL: @_@  
  
AMBI: And of course there's a very good reason for that. I hope.  
  
Sarah, however, was still asleep. She had agreed to judge yesterday, when Jareth and Hoggle had told her about the bet and, especially, the stakes.   
  
AMBI: Those damn stakes again!  
  
CRYS: Language!  
  
Unfortunately, she obviously was not expecting them at 7:15 in the morning. So, picking the dwarf up, Jareth unceremoniously threw Hoggle onto Sarah's stomach.   
  
ALL: HUH?!  
  
AMBI: That was quite OOC.  
  
The dwarf landed with a thud,   
  
LIBBY: (Stewardess) Thank you for choosing A Thud Airlines.  
  
and Sarah awoke with a jerk.  
  
CRYS: (Sarah) Agh! What's this jerk doing in my bed?!  
  
"Don't tell me you two finished your contest already..." she said, blinking away the blurriness in her eyes that came with being still sleepy.  
  
AMBI: Buy one `sleepy' get two `blurriness' free!  
  
When it cleared, she had to blink again, sure she was seeing right. "Hoggle? Is that you under there?"   
  
LIBBY: (Sarah) Hoggle, not with Jareth standing right there...  
  
AMBI: Libby!  
  
CRYS: (Hoggle) Maybe he'll want to join in.  
  
AMBI: Crys!  
  
The dwarf chuckled. "It's me, Sarah, But what I did to Jareth is much worse," he said. "Take a look."  
  
CRYS: (Sarah) Um, no thanks, Hoggle. I've seen it.  
  
AMBI: CRYS!  
  
Sarah took one look at where her friend was pointing and   
  
LIBBY: Died. The end.  
  
started both blushing at having to look in THAT area, and laughing uncontrollably.  
  
AMBI: (Teacher) Now, class, this is all very natural. There's no need to laugh when you look in THAT area.  
  
"I can't believe it! It IS a sock!" she cried out, holding her stomach from laughing so hard.   
  
JARETH: Any of you comment, and you won't get out of this theater for a LONG time.  
  
CRYS: Geez, what a crouch!  
  
The Goblin King just sighed. "I assure you, Sarah, it isn't a sock, and as soon as the powder Hoggle used wears off, I plan on proving it to you over and over."  
  
ALL: @_@ AGHHH!  
  
This shut Sarah up quick, and she just blushed ferociously.   
  
LIBBY: She turned into Li Showron?  
  
AMBI: No more Card Captors!  
  
"Hoggle still wins the contest, Jareth," she said. "And how convenient. I have a little French maid costume left over from the spring play," she said, sliding out of bed and heading over to her closet.  
  
CRYS: Now Sarah's a bit OOC, wouldn't you say?  
  
It wasn't the most modest of costumes, either,  
  
AMBI: Yes, just a bit.  
  
and now, it was Jareth's turn to blush.  
  
LIBBY: These people are putting Li-kun to shame!  
  
AMBI: Stop that!  
  
Finis  
  
CRYS: Finally!  
  
LIBBY: Let's get out of here!  
  
AMBI: I'm with ya!  
  
6  
  
5  
  
4  
  
3  
  
2  
  
1  
  
...  
  
SOL  
  
CRYS: (grinning) So, Jareth, why did you give us that fic to read when it had so many referrals to--?  
  
JARETH: (huffing mad) I figured the title meant that you were in for some real hurting! I didn't know the maid was me, or that the `S' word was mentioned so many times!  
  
AMBI: (giggling) `Sock'?  
  
JARETH: Yes! That vile word! Never let me hear it again!  
  
LIBBY: Okay, Socky McSock!  
  
ALL: *laughing*  
  
JARETH: RINI'S CHANGE OF FORTUNE!  
  
LIBBY: AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
JARETH: That's what I thought!  
  
*the hexfield cuts off*  
  
Author's Notes: As you noticed at the end, yet another RCOF reference. :) This must be my shortest one. It only took me a day to do! Hope you enjoyed it!  
  
Stinger: Unfortunately, she obviously was not expecting them at 7:15 in the morning. So, picking the dwarf up, Jareth unceremoniously threw Hoggle onto Sarah's stomach. 


	4. Stefano's Daughter

Disclaimer: I don't own the story "Stefano's Daughter". Vicky does, and she's welcome to it. This was all done in fun. Enjoy!  
  
(The girls are once again engaged in their own activities: Libby is watching "Days of our Lives" on the hexfield [and swearing profusely]; Crys is reading; Ambi is singing)  
  
LIBBY: That b*tch!  
  
CRYS: *not looking up from her book* Which one?  
  
LIBBY: Lexie! She's "doing everything she can to keep her son". Hope's son is more like it!  
  
CRYS: *still reading* How many people do you have on that "I Hate..." List now?  
  
LIBBY: Half the cast.  
  
AMBI: Will you guys keep it down? I'm trying to sing here!  
  
CRYS: We noticed.  
  
AMBI: You did? *smiles*  
  
LIBBY: Yeah, and it's annoying. Knock it off!  
  
AMBI: Oh, like hearing you scream obscenities has been the highlight of MY day!  
  
*lights flash*  
  
CRYS: *putting the book down* Guys, Sami Brady calling!  
  
*one minute, Lexie is seen talking to herself AGAIN on the hexfield, and the next, it's Jareth*  
  
LIBBY: Dam*it! I was watching that!  
  
JARETH: Do watch the language, dear girl.  
  
CRYS: What is it, Jareth?  
  
JARETH: At the risk of repeating myself--  
  
LIBBY, CRYS, & AMBI: We know, we know. Dr. Jareth.  
  
JARETH: That's better. Now, your experiment, my little peaches, is a fine soap opera fic called "Stephano's Daughter" by Vicky.  
  
LIBBY: If it's about Lexie...  
  
JARETH: Deal with it, ladies.  
  
*the klaxons go off*  
  
AMBI: We've got Fanfic Siiiiign!  
  
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6  
  
...  
  
I do not own these characters except Vicky so don't sue me!  
Stefono's daughter  
  
LIBBY: Hey, who isn't?  
  
A girl stepped out of the darkness, her blond hair soaking wet from the rain.   
  
AMBI: Like Sarah's, it magically dried off.  
  
"Salem," she said looking at the big sign that said `WELCOME TO SALEM'  
  
CRYS: "Jareth", I said, looking at socks.  
  
"I hope he's still here."  
  
CRYS: (Vicky) I need my fix!  
  
AMBI: Crys!  
The sun had not been out long but it had already started to dry her wet hair and cloths.  
  
LIBBY: (Vicky) Who knows when I'll need these useless cloths.  
  
It was around lunchtime and she came to a police car with two men standing by it.  
  
LIBBY: Workin' hard, boys?  
  
"Excuse me," she said.  
  
AMBI: Do you have any Grey Poupon?  
"Yes miss," one of the men said he was black with black hair and the other was white with gray hair.  
  
CRYS: Love her attention to detail.  
"My name is Victoria and   
  
AMBI (Vicky) I'm an alcoholic.  
  
LIBBY & CRYS: Hi, Vicky.  
  
I was wondering if you can help me?" The girl asked.  
  
LIBBY: (Vicky/Ryoga) I need to get to Furinkan High.  
"My name is Roman Brady and this is Abe Caver,"   
  
LIBBY: My name is Libby Sarah.  
  
CRYS: My name is Crystal Ball.  
  
AMBI: My name is Ambi Rocious.  
  
ALL: STAGE ON!  
  
The white man said then pointed to the other man,  
  
LIBBY: (Roman) He's my lover.  
  
AMBI: Libby!  
  
"we well help you in anyway possible."  
  
CRYS: Off the nearest bridge.  
"Can you tell me where Stefano DiMera lives?" Vicky asked.  
  
AMBI: (Vicky) I'm the hired assassin.  
"Why?"   
  
ALL: Because.  
  
The men both asked at the same time.  
  
LIBBY: (Vicky) Where did all the magic voices come from?  
"Because he's my father," Vicky confessed.   
  
AMBI: Dun dun DUN!  
  
Both the men looked at each other fealing bad for the girl.  
  
CRYS: They should be `feeling' bad for themselves.  
"We'll do better than telling you we'll drive you there,"  
  
LIBBY: So, they both hate the guy, but they're willing to bring his daughter to him and ruin her life? Makes perfect sense.  
  
Roman said opening the back door to the car.  
  
CRYS: Don't accept rides from strangers.  
  
Escher 13  
  
(Jareth turns his attention away from the experiment. He senses someone wishing themselves away and decides to respond personally.)  
  
JARETH: Oh, this should be interesting... *laughs*  
  
Theater  
  
_________ ~~~ Later ~~~ __________  
  
LIBBY: On the other side of town...  
"Thank you, bye,"   
  
AMBI: You are the weakest link. Goodbye.  
  
Vicky said and ran up to the big house, "wow."  
  
CRYS: (Vicky) Think of all the stuff I could hock in there!  
**KNOCK KNOCK**  
  
LIBBY: (Bill Cosby) NOAH, IT'S THE LORD.  
  
AMBI: (Bill Cosby) Right.  
A woman maid answered the door.  
  
CRYS: I would hope she's a woman maid.  
  
LIBBY: AGH! "Hoggle's Maid"!  
  
"Hello," she said.  
"Is Stefano DiMera there?" Vicky asked.  
  
AMBI: I don't think Stefano has really been all there for a while.  
"Yes he is. Do you have an appointment?" she asked.  
  
LIBBY: (Vicky) Do I need one?  
"No I don't but can I just talk to him please?" Vicky asked.  
  
CRYS: (Eliana) Sure, what the hell!  
"You seem like a nice girl so I'll let you see him, come in," she said.  
  
CRYS: Huh. I was kidding.  
"Thank you," Vicky said. The maid went in the other room and an older man emerged.  
  
AMBI: David Bowie?  
  
CRYS: Ambi!  
"Yes," Stefono said.  
"Are you Stefono?" Vicky asked.  
"yes," Stefono said.  
  
LIBBY: Does this fic suck?  
  
AMBI: Yes, Stefano said.  
"Do you happing know Amanda Smith?" Vicky asked.  
  
CRYS: Do you `happen' to know how to spell?  
"Yes but I haven't seen her in 16 or 17 years," Stefono said.  
  
LIBBY: (Stefano) Not since parachute pants were in style.  
"17 years and 10 months actually," Vicky said.  
  
AMBI: Details, details.  
" Why did something happing to her? Is she ok?" he asked and Vicky could hear the pain in his voice.  
  
LIBBY: `Cause, ya know, Steffy cares about the mothers of his children.  
"She's okay! I'm her daughter and I'm 17 years old my birthday was a month ago," she said.  
  
AMBI: (Vicky) You owe me a present!  
"You're not saying what I think your saying?" he asked.  
  
CRYS: (Vicky) Not unless you're saying what you think I'm saying.  
"I'm your daughter," she said.  
  
AMBI: (Dark Helmet) I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.  
" Not possible, RALF!" he yelled.  
  
CRYS: (Stefano) Bring me a muffin!  
"Yes,sir," ralf said.  
"I want a blood test done for me and..."  
  
LIBBY: (Vicky) Anastasia Beaverhousen.  
  
Stefono said  
"Victoria..." she said. Ralf took the sample from each of them and left.  
  
AMBI: (Ralf) Now that that's out of the way, I can continue my plans for Salem domination! Mwhaha!  
"Do you have a cell phone?" he asked.  
  
LIBBY: (Stefano) Can I borrow it in the car?  
  
"yes," she said.  
"Than you write down the number on the way out and I'll call you when the results are in," he said.  
  
CRYS: (Stefano/Mr. Burns) I suggest you leave now before I release the hounds.  
"okay," she said.  
  
AMBI: (Vicky) Wouldn't want to mess with those hounds!  
  
LIBBY: I think we're done, guys!  
  
CRYS: Sweet!  
  
6  
  
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3  
  
2  
  
1  
  
...  
  
SOL  
  
LIBBY: I still say Steffy has enough kids already!  
  
CRYS: You said it, Libby.  
  
AMBI: Um, guys?  
  
(The girls stop walking as Ambi points straight ahead. Someone else is on the Satellite of Labyrinth with them...)  
  
Author's Notes: Are you intrigued? Well, you should be ;-) Join us next time!  
  
Stinger: "Salem," she said looking at the big sign that said `WELCOME TO SALEM' 


	5. Another Revolutionary Night

Disclaimer: I don't own the story "Another Revolutionary Night". Silverstar Wizard does, and she's welcome to it. This was all done in fun. Enjoy!  
  
(All three heroines stare at the person who's joined them on the SOL. She's got rainbow-dyed hair; her shirt, skirt, leggings, and boots are from Hot Topic.)  
  
LIBBY: Brook?  
  
AMBI: Um, Libby, what is your cousin doing here?  
  
LIBBY: Brook?!  
  
CRYS: Yeah, you said that already. (to Brook) What's the story, Brooklyn?  
  
BROOK: My mom and I had another fight, so I wished myself away.  
  
CRYS: (sarcastically) Excellent choice. Well, as you may have noticed, we're not in the castle in the center of the Labyrinth.  
  
BROOK: Yes. May I ask why?  
  
LIBBY: (shaking herself) Jareth decided to be a smart ass. When I wished myself away, he brought me here.  
  
AMBI: And when she got bored, she wished Crys and I onto this god-forsaken satellite.  
  
BROOK: Ah. So, what do you guys do all day?  
  
AMBI: Most of the time, nothing. But when His Tightness gets really loopy, he makes us read bad fanfics.  
  
BROOK: Doesn't sound too bad. Maybe I could help you out.  
  
CRYS: That would be great! Someone else to riff with! This is the semi-happiest day of my life!  
  
*lights flash*  
  
LIBBY: Wonderful. Mr. Burns is calling again!  
  
(Jareth appears on the hexfield, smiling as usual.)  
  
JARETH: I see you've become acquainted with the newest prisoner.  
  
LIBBY: My cousin, Jareth?  
  
JARETH: That's Dr. Jareth to you! Now, you may be wondering why I'm bringing you another experiment so soon. Well, I couldn't wait to torture my latest little peach. *waves to Brook*  
  
BROOK: You've gotta be kidding me!  
  
JARETH: Enjoy! *hexfield cuts off*  
  
AMBI: (to Brook) Welcome to our hell.  
  
*klaxons go off*  
  
CRYS: We've got Fanfic Siiiiiign!  
  
1  
  
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...  
  
(The girls file into the theater; this time it's Crys, Libby, Brook, and Ambi from left to right.)  
  
Author: Silverstar Wizard  
  
CRYS: You guys writing that down for flames later?  
  
AMBI: You bet we are...  
  
LIBBY: Oh yeah!  
  
Note: I've been studying the Russian Revolution for way too long. Someone should fund a study as to whether this particular topic causes mental damage...keep reading and you'll see what I mean.  
  
LIBBY: Ohhh, so it's studying the Russian Revolution that makes people write this stuff...  
  
AMBI: In other words, stop with the Anastasia obsession.  
  
LIBBY: Bite me! And it's not an obsession...it's a hobby... *pouts*  
  
Dedication: To all my fellow socialists in training...I know you're out there.  
  
BROOK: (Silverstar Wizard) I will hunt you down like a fox!  
  
LIBBY: *smiling* You're good at this.  
Another Revolutionary Night - A Visitation  
Exams were coming up on Wednesday; that meant I had only tonight, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday morning until 9 am left to review. And since Tuesday and Wednesday morning were reserved for English review, and I knew Latin pretty well, it meant that the weekend and Monday were set aside for intensive History review.  
  
CRYS: It's nice that she knows her schedule, but did Silverstar Wizard have to make us suffer, too?  
Although History had been one of my favorite subjects during the year,   
  
LIBBY: It quickly changed to Biology and how babies are made.  
  
AMBI: Libby!  
  
the sheer bulk of material to review (and in some cases, relearn) was rather daunting.  
  
CRYS: (Silverstar Wizard) I got over it, though.  
  
The sourcebook had grown, in a mere six months,  
  
AMBI: Keep your minds out of the gutter!  
  
BROOK: (to Crys) Does she do that a lot?  
  
CRYS: Yeah. You'll get used to it.  
  
from one chapter and thirty-four pages, to ten chapters and three hundred and one pages. This sourcebook of novelistic proportions covered everything from British India to World War One to the Russian Revolution.  
  
LIBBY: To why the Earth is round, to the sky being blue, to hot dogs being made from who knows what...  
  
Incidentally, I'm a freshman in high school and looking forward to college.  
  
BROOK: That's sick. No one should like school that much.  
  
LIBBY: I hear ya.  
So, at ten o'clock on Sunday night, I was sitting on my bed cross-legged, trying to commit  
  
AMBI: (Silverstar Wizard) Myself.  
  
five sets of chronologies (Spawn of Satan!)  
  
BROOK: Brittney Spears is in this story? *shudders*  
  
to an already-full memory. It was not very entertaining, especially after having spent the past two hours  
  
CRYS: At a strip club down the street.  
  
AMBI: Crys!  
  
outlining more or less the same material. (Author's note: e-mail me if you want the outline, it's really quite nice.)  
  
LIBBY: (Silverstar Wizard) But not nearly as nice as my report of "Cheeses of Europe".  
  
I took mental breaks every five minutes  
  
BROOK: If you ask me, she took a permanent mental break.  
  
and turned the radio up several times. At ten twenty-five,  
  
AMBI: The apocalypse will begin! Mwhaha!  
  
the chronologies were still not learnt.  
  
LIBBY: `Learnt'?  
  
CRYS: Stay peachy, English Girl.  
  
I flopped backwards onto my bed,  
  
BROOK: Breaking my neck in the process. The end.  
  
frustrated out of my mind.  
A soft "fwooshing" noise prompted me to  
  
LIBBY: Ask myself if "fwooshing" was really a word.  
  
sit up and open my eyes.  
  
AMBI: (Silverstar Wizard) Agh! Natural sunlight!  
  
Perhaps it was the spirit of Lenin come to help me...  
  
BROOK: Perhaps John Edwards was making more money than he should...  
  
wishful thinking on my part, obviously, but I wasn't quite prepared for what - who, really - was actually standing in the middle of my room.  
  
CRYS: Bill Clinton.  
  
AMBI: Michael Jackson.  
  
LIBBY: Jerry Springer.  
  
CRYS, AMBI, & LIBBY: STAGE ON!  
"Hello," said Jareth, smirking teasingly.  
  
LIBBY: "Hello", said I, restraining order in hand.  
  
I rubbed my eyes a bit and shook my head. Was this an experience similar to the time when I had found Vladimir to be an incredibly sexy name after five hours of studying History?   
  
ALL: HUH?  
  
AMBI: Um, you can find names sexy after you study them?  
  
CRYS: (whimpering) Hold me.  
  
My mind does things like that sometimes.  
  
BROOK: You sick little...  
"Um...hi? Jareth?" I hopped off my bed and turned off the radio. I turned back. He was still there.  
  
LIBBY: (Tuxedo Mask) Like the Jareth that's still there when you turn around, he is the Goblin King!  
"Yes?"  
  
BROOK: No!  
  
AMBI: Yes!  
  
BROOK: No!  
Well, what now? "Do you know anything about the Russian Revolution?" I asked tentatively.   
  
CRYS: (Jareth) Sure. Rasputin and I were buddies.  
  
If he was here, he might as well give me a hand studying.  
  
AMBI: (Jareth) Aw, but I came strictly to torment you!  
To my surprise, he did.   
  
AMBI: (Jareth) Told ya.  
  
"Why yes. Trotsky and I were good friends.  
  
CRYS: (Jareth) Yup. Trotsky, Rasputin, and I used to hit this one club...  
  
LIBBY: Enough.  
  
He used to visit while he was living in Brooklyn. It was rather a shame that he had to go back to Russia."  
  
AMBI: What with the Vodka flowing from fountains and all.  
  
CRYS: (Trotsky) Yesh (hic) Russia (hic) sucks!  
"Don't you go to Russia?"  
  
BROOK: (Jareth) During the summers, yes. Lovely government they're having this time of year.  
He laughed and smoothed down a wrinkle in his cape.   
  
LIBBY: `Cause he's really that anal.  
  
CRYS: This is Jareth we're talking about.  
  
"No, no. It's much too cold there. I try to stay in the more temperate regions.  
  
LIBBY: Like Wisconsin.  
  
I did give him a few pointers, though, on conducting a successful revolution."  
  
BROOK: (Jareth) Don't screw up.  
This was news to me. I looked at him skeptically and reached for my notes.   
  
LIBBY: (Silverstar Wizard) I know I wrote your name down in my notes for the hell of it!  
  
Flipping through the pages, I found information about the Paris Commune, the Partition of Bengal, the Freikorps  
  
AMBI: (Silverstar Wizard) These are: the teacher's convention, my work permit, my football team...  
  
...but no mention of Goblin Kings intervening in the Russian Revolution.  
  
BROOK: Extra! Extra! Grand Duchess Anastasia and family saved by guy in tights!  
"You're not in here," I told him somewhat sadly.   
  
CRYS: (Silverstar Wizard) I was hoping The Greatness that is You was in my notes for some odd reason.  
  
LIBBY: I feel as though we're catering to Jareth's ego.  
  
Believe me, nothing would have made me happier at that point than to learn that Socialism had achieved one of its greatest successes with Jareth's help.  
  
LIBBY: Really? She supports socialism?  
  
AMBI: To write this fic? She'd have to.  
"Of course not," he scoffed, grabbing my notes, tossing them away in a corner and seating himself next to me on the bed.   
  
BROOK: (Jareth/dorky teen) You wanna go steady?  
  
"It was strictly, you understand, off the record. Lenin, although he was a nice fellow too, said I didn't have a socialist consciousness and couldn't help officially.  
  
CRYS: (Jareth) So I threw his ass into the Bog of Eternal Stench!  
  
Of course, that was fine with me, because I couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for Miliukov...he reminded me somehow of one of my own goblins."  
  
LIBBY: (Jareth) You know: fat, putrid-smelling, education of a two-year-old...  
  
Here he paused to wipe away a tear - real or imaginary, I couldn't tell - from the corner of his eye.  
  
BROOK: (Miss Congeniality) Thank you. Thank you.  
  
"And of course, I was heartbroken by the news of the murder of the Tsar and his family."  
  
CRYS: (Jareth) I wanted to do his girls.  
  
LIBBY & AMBI: CRYS!  
"Why's that?" I asked, furiously scribbling the whole story down in my notebook.  
  
AMBI: (Silverstar Wizard) I don't believe a word he's saying, but I'll be damned if I don't write it all down!  
  
I might not be able to cite my information in class (what would my teacher think?),  
  
LIBBY: My guess is that you're nuts.  
  
but it would certainly be interesting to have around.  
"Well, all absolute monarchs find themselves in the Labyrinth at one point or another.  
  
AMBI: (Queen Elizabeth) What the hell am I doing here?  
  
Someone is bound to wish them away.  
  
BROOK: (Prince Charles) Heh heh heh...  
  
Usually some frustrated peasant in a poverty-stricken little village.  
  
BROOK: (Prince Charles) Heh heh heh...  
  
I don't speak Russian,  
  
CRYS: But you can with the help of this easy "Learn Russian In Your Sleep" cassette!  
  
LIBBY: Only 19.95! Order yours today!  
  
but the dialect of the wisher was close enough to goblin that I was able to get news of the summons.  
  
AMBI: Um, yeah. The goblins speak English.  
  
Nicholas was actually quite happy about being able to spend thirteen hours in a place that was neither a war zone nor a hotbed of political activity."  
  
LIBBY: Unless you count the occasional Goblin Battle.  
I recalled his comment about Miliukov (a member of the Provisional Government, the rival government of the Petrograd Soviet).  
  
CRYS: Ah, yes. The guy she had Jareth compare to a goblin not more than a few minutes ago.   
  
This led to a very important question.  
  
LIBBY: (Calvin) What if God's a big chicken? Then what?  
  
AMBI: That's two questions.  
"So, wait," I asked slowly, hardly daring to hope, "are you a socialist?"  
  
CRYS: (Joel) I'm guessing this was the whole reason this fic was written.  
He looked slightly offended. "Of course I'm a socialist, you silly girl! What a question!"  
  
BROOK: (Jareth) I'm only pretending to be a tyrannical monarch!  
Despite the fact that my greatest wish had just been granted   
  
CRYS: Meeting the best damn David Bowie look-alike ever.  
  
(well, not my greatest, but still...),  
  
AMBI: The best since Ziggy Stardust, of course.  
  
JARETH: I'm going to make this very unpleasant for the three of you.  
  
I was slightly dubious.  
  
LIBBY: (Silverstar Wizard) After all, the Goblin King just told me he was a socialist...  
"Why? I thought that monarchs were...well...not socialist.  
  
BROOK: And I thought this fic would...well...not suck. I guess we were both wrong.  
  
Autocratic. Socialism supports a government of the workers."  
  
CRYS: And we all know Jareth loves those goblins.  
  
"Well, think about it," he said, gesturing elegantly with gloved hands,   
  
BROOK: I'll give you an elegant gesture...  
  
AMBI: Brook!  
  
"my kingdom consists of myself, a bunch of goblins, and some assorted other creatures, like your friends Ludo, Hoggle and Didymus.  
  
LIBBY: (Jareth) Some chicks, some booze, Drew Carrey...  
  
Not a trade union consciousness among them.  
  
The goblins couldn't comprehend a piece of string if you gave them a year to do it in, let alone successfully undertake to overthrow the monarchy.  
  
AMBI: Honestly, who can comprehend string these days?  
  
Every other group is a severe minority in the Underground.  
  
LIBBY: Since when is Jareth a supremacist?  
  
CRYS: Once again, this is Jareth we're talking about.  
  
So practical socialism poses no threat to me personally, leaving me free to support it Aboveground.  
  
BROOK: (Jareth) I've also influenced the presidency a few times.  
  
Besides, your earthly monarchs and capitalist governments are hardly - as they say - the sharpest tools in their national sheds."  
  
AMBI: At least they don't lose their socks.  
  
JARETH: Silence!  
That made sense, I had to admit.  
  
CRYS: Jareth has the political power to take over the world, but he's only ruling the Underground. That makes perfect sense.  
I got up off the bed and picked up my notes again, and started thumbing through them.  
  
LIBBY: Did her notes sign a contract? Are they getting paid to be in this fic?  
  
I sighed.  
  
BROOK: I left. *gets up, but the sirens go off*  
  
AMBI: Sorry, Brook. You'll have to take the pain with the rest of us.  
  
Just when it was all starting to make some sort of sense, I get news of a totally new political influence.  
  
AMBI: As if the world needed to be screwed over more.  
  
Wonderful.  
  
CRYS: (singing) And I say to myself, it's wonderful, wonderful--  
  
LIBBY: Agh! The X-Files! "Home"!! *shudders*  
"Well," Jareth stated, "I hope I was able to be of some sort of help.   
  
BROOK: Not really.  
  
Good luck on your exams." He extended his had,  
  
LIBBY: His `Had'? Is that what he calls it? *snickers*  
  
AMBI: Libby!  
  
and I took it, feeling somewhat lost.  
  
CRYS: (Jareth) Had? Had?! Where are you, my precious sock?  
  
JARETH: That's quite enough!  
  
"I wish I could stay," he continued, "but I have matters to attend to."  
  
LIBBY: (Jareth) You see, my Had has gone missing again...  
  
JARETH: Don't say I didn't warn you! *shocks Libby in her seat*  
  
LIBBY: OW!  
"Yeah," I mumbled, still trying to digest all this new information. "Nice to see you...."  
  
CRYS: (Silverstar Wizard) Thanks for ruining my life.  
And Jareth was gone as softly as he had come.  
  
LIBBY: As opposed to as quickly and as annoyingly.  
I scratched my head in confusion and wondered how on earth I would explain this to my teacher.  
  
BROOK: (Silverstar Wizard) You see, the Goblin King came over last night and...  
~~END  
  
LIBBY: Congrats, Brook. You made it.  
  
BROOK: *exhales* Barely.  
  
AMBI: Let's go.  
  
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...  
  
BROOK: And you guys have to put up with that a lot?  
  
LIBBY: About once a week, yeah. This was the exception.  
  
AMBI: It's okay, Brook. We can all take the hurting together.  
  
CRYS: I love you guys!  
  
*they all hug and Crys pushes the button*  
  
Author's Notes: This one was harder to riff because I don't know that much about the Russian Revolution, and apparently Silverstar Wizard does. But I'm up for a challenge! I also decided to add my cousin, Brook, to the mix, because she's seen Labyrinth, and because I thought just three people riffing all the time would get boring. Hope you enjoyed!  
  
Stinger: I rubbed my eyes a bit and shook my head. Was this an experience similar to the time when I had found Vladimir to be an incredibly sexy name after five hours of studying History? 


	6. Evil Little Lisa

**Disclaimer: I don't own the story "Evil Little Lisa". doggy_girl does, and she's welcome to it. This was all done in fun. Enjoy!******

**(Crys, Ambi, and Brook are on the SOL, whispering. Libby is sleeping in her quarters.)**

**BROOK: Libby's birthday is today, and I was thinking we could throw her a party.**

**AMBI: That would be great!**

**CRYS: Only one problem: there's nothing up here to have a party with.**

**BROOK & AMBI: Oh, yeah…**

CRYS: Unless… 

**BROOK: Unless what?******

CRYS: There was a crystal under my bed today. I tried wishing us off this peach, but it didn't work. However, it might give us the stuff we need for a party!

**AMBI: Let's try it!**

***lights flash***

AMBI: *sighing* Scratch that. Angelica Pickles calling again.

***the hexfield reveals Jareth shutting off a TV monitor; someone familiar was on the screen, but the image quickly disappeared***

**JARETH: Why, hello my little peaches! Where is the fourth amigo?**

CRYS: *folding her arms across her chest* Sleeping.

**JARETH: Well, Miss Ball, would you care to wake her?**

CRYS: I won't! She's been staying up way too late these past few days! 

**JARETH: T. S.! You'll wake her or your next five fics will be lemons!**

AMBI: Ugh. _I'll_ go wake her up. *leaves* 

**BROOK: You really get a kick out of ordering people around and blackmailing them, don't you?**

**JARETH: My, the newbie catches on quickly!**

CRYS: Can it, Sock King! 

**(Ambi and Libby appear; the latter looks beat.)**

**LIBBY: Jareth, *yawns* have a heart. It's my birthday and I'm exhausted.**

**JARETH: Ah, but this is your present, dear girl. The fic is "Evil Little Lisa" by doggy_girl. Enjoy!**

***klaxons go off***

**BROOK: We've got FanFic Siiiiiign!**

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**…**

**(The girls file into the theater; this time it's Crys, Libby, Brook, and Ambi from left to right.)**

CRYS: Sorry, Libby. We know you were catching up on your sleep.

**LIBBY: It's okay. One of these days, we'll get back at that deranged king.**

**AMBI: For now, we must suffer by reading the fic.**

**BROOK: Best of luck, guys.******

**It was a normal day in Springfield. Over at the Simpsons house Homer was strangling Bart, Marge was cleaning and Lisa was writing in her diary.**

**BROOK: Maggie was sucking on her pacifier, Mr. Burns was being evil…a normal day.****  
  
"Why you little! Don't you ever touch my my jeans!" Homer said.**

**AMBI: Of all the things to strangle a kid over…**

CRYS: It's Homer Simpson.

**AMBI: True, true.******

**  
Then Bart said: "Hey man! Don't have a cow! **

**LIBBY: (Bart) Cowabunga, I didn't do it, blah blah woof woof.**

CRYS: That's Dark Angel.

**Its not like they are going to explode, once I touch them!"**

**BROOK: (Bart) I mean, they will eventually, with all the fire power I have…****  
  
"I don't care those jeans cost me 2 bucks! Grrrrrr!"**

**AMBI: A whole two bucks. Send in the marines!****  
  
"Quiet in there boys! I am trying to get this counter clean!"**

**BROOK: (Marge) Cleaning is hard when it's noisy!****  
  
"Mom! Homer is trying to kill me!"**

**CRYS:  Mom! Jareth is trying to make us go insane!****  
  
"Oh for goodness sake!"  
Marge pries the two apart, then goes back into the kitchen.**

**LIBBY: (Marge) Now that that little child abuse episode is over with…****  
  
"You got off good this time boy, but the next time you won't be so lucky!"**

**AMBI: (Dr. Claw) I'll get you next time, Gadget! Next time!****  
  
"Yah right Homer! You couldn't hurt me if you were given all hands free!"**

**CRYS: If he was given _what_ now?**

**BROOK: Get your free hands! Hurry hurry hurry, ladies and germs!****  
  
"You take that back you little monster!"**

**LIBBY: (Touyo) ****Kaijuu****!****  
  
"No way man!"  
Suddenly Lisa calls Bart upstairs!**

**AMBI: Join us next week for the thrilling conclusion!****  
  
"Bart! come up here for a moment!"**

CRYS: (Lisa) No questions asked.

**  
"Just a sec Lis! **

CRYS: It worked.

**Okay Homer once I am done, i will be back to take you on! remember this is not the end! It is just the start! **

**BROOK: It's not the end, you remember that! It's only the start! Remember that!!**

**Mu ahhhhhhhhhh!"**

**LIBBY: Bart should really work on his evil laugh.****  
  
"Bart!!! Hurry up! I can't wait all day!"  
"Coming Lisa!"**

LIBBY, CRYS, & BROOK: *snicker* 

**AMBI: Perverts!****  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Lisa's Room  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Now Bart......step under that lamp for me! Okay good! **

**BROOK: (Lisa) Strike a pose! Yes, that's it! Work it!**

**Now I just have to turn this knobs and everything will be working in a minute."**

CRYS: No! Lisa has become ignorant! What is this world coming to? 

**AMBI: Bad fan fiction, that's what.****  
  
"Lisa?"  
"Yah Bart?"  
"What are you doing to me?**

**LIBBY: (Wednesday Addams) We're going to play a game. It's called "Is There A God?".**

**I feel really weird!"**

**AMBI: You only have eight fingers and toes. You should.****  
  
"Well...Bart if you remember a bit back...you promised me, that you would help me with my next science project if I gave you that bus ticket home!"**

**CRYS: *rolling her eyes* Yeah, that sounds exactly like something that would happen on "The Simpsons".****  
  
"Damn myself! I can't control myself! Myself is its on self and it ddin't mean to do anything to me!**

ALL: … LIBBY: I think I'm going to cry… 

**BROOK: Hang in there, Libby. Hang in there.**

**What are you going to do to me anyway?"**

CRYS: (Lisa) Wouldn't you like to know.

**AMBI: Crys!****  
  
"Well........first this light is going to go into your brain and lookat your deepest thoughts. **

**AMBI: Pfft! That shouldn't take too long.**

**I will then look at those thoughts right them down and make them be part of my observations, then I will turn the light up higher and then well.........I will tell you that later! You must be getting confused!"**

**LIBBY: I know we are.****  
  
"Well yah! This sounds cool!"**

**CRYS: (Bart) Experiments I can't understand are cool, man!****  
  
So Lisa turns all the knobs and the light shown on Barts head. She looked at the computer screen and then wrote down all the thoughts that it listed there! **

AMBI: Join us next week for the thrilling conclusion! 

**About 10 minutes later she went over to Bart and put a tube over his throat. **

ALL: HUH? 

**it was to keep him breathing while she did the surgery. **

ALL: @_@ 

**BROOK: Lisa may be smart, but I don't think she should be doing surgery.**

**LIBBY: Especially if she's putting the breathing tube _over his throat_!**

**She went over to her closet, took out a Jar and placed it on the table beside her. **

CRYS: (Lisa) All hail the Almighty Jar! 

**She opened the jar and took out some funny smelling stuff. She poured it Bart forehead and it started seeping into his head!**

**AMBI: (Lisa) Oops, there goes the acid!****  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!! **

LIBBY: Now THERE'S and evil laugh! 

**My project is almost complete! That Marten Prince won't beat me this time. **

**BROOK: (Lisa) Martin Prince might, however.**

**This time I will be victorious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She said while laughing evily.**

AMBI: She's become Stewie from Family Guy, now? LIBBY: Kick-@$$ show! AMBI: Language! 

**The stuff from the jar didn't seem to harm Bart at first......but then....weird things started to happen.**

CRYS: The Simpson Gene diminished, and Bart became smart again.

**His hair began to turn colours, his fingers grew longer, his eyes looked deadly, many other things happened too but the most strange thing was that his whole body started to turn into a monster shape figure. **

**BROOK: Oh, she gave him that monster cola.**

**AMBI: (Bart) Sweeeet.**

**As soon as all of this happen....Lisa turned some knobs and Bart was put back to normal. Lisa took the tube off him and 5 minutes later Bart got up.**

**LIBBY: Gee, apparently, you can do anything to the human body.****  
  
"What happened Lisa? I feel so weird!"**

**CRYS: (Bart) Did I join the Junior Campers again?****  
  
"Well Bart.....you are part of my science project and tomorrow you will see what happens to you.**

BROOK: (Bart) Oh, well if that's the case… 

**You will be totally awake. I will make sure to that."**

**LIBBY: (Bart) Gee, thanks, Lis.****  
  
After she said that she turned around and bent over and snickered;**

**CRYS: (Lisa) Mooned ya!****  
  
"That Marten Prince is long gone."**

**AMBI: (Lisa) Then I'll go after Martin Prince!****  
  
"What did you say Lisa? I couldn't hear you!"**

**LIBBY: (Bart) I've gone deaf! Rather sudden, wouldn't ya say?****  
  
"Oh Bart!" She said as she lead him out of the room. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter! **

BROOK: What do you think she's trying to say? 

**Now if you have any questions.......they will be answered tomorrow!"**

**CRYS: (Bart) Aw, but I want to know what the experiment did _tonight_!****  
  
After those words Lisa saw Bart out and slamed the door of her room shut.**

**AMBI: (Bart) Fine! Be that way!****  
  
Bart when over to his room then and lay on his bed for a bit.**

LIBBY: I hate this fic!! There's no spelling or grammar relief in sight! 

**AMBI: Half way there, Libby. Stay peachy!****  
  
"I wonder what happened! It all seemed so strange. I know Lisa wants to win but I am still kind of curious. Mabye I should keep asking her over and over again till she tells me. **

CRYS: (Bart) What did you do to me? What did you do to me? BROOK: (Lisa) Wait until tomorrow— CRYS: (Bart) What did you do to me? What did you do to me? 

**BROOK: (Lisa) BART!**

**No! I think I will wait! I don't no why. i just will!"**

**LIBBY: (Bart) I mean, how else would this plot go smoothly?****  
  
Suddenly Marge came in.**

**AMBI: (Marge) Stay back! I've got Jimmies!****  
  
"Its getting late Bart its time for bed."**

**CRYS: _It's_ clear that this fic sucks.****  
  
Bart changes into his pjs. Marge then sings to Bart.**

**LIBBY: This is the Simpson evening ritual. Let's watch.****  
  
"Its time to board the sleepy train to visit mother goose. It time time time to let go and hang loose," she sings the last part softer. **

ALL: … AMBI: What the hell was THAT? LIBBY, CRYS, & BROOK: Language! 

**She tucks him in and goes in to see Lisa.  
Lisa was putting everything away when Marge came in.**

**BROOK: (Lisa) Mustn't let mom know I've turned Bart into a monster!****  
  
"Time for bed Lisa!"  
"Okay mom," she says quietly. I will get ready in a minute. Come back when I am done."**

**LIBBY: (Lisa) I am in command, now! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!****  
  
Marge silently walks over into Maggie's room. Maggie was already asleep so Marge did not say anything. **

CRYS: She just poked her until she woke up because she needed the attention.

**After watching Maggie for 5 minutes **

**AMBI: Because Maggie sleeping provides such a show for Marge…**

**she went back to Lisa's room. Lisa was alreadt in bed in the pjs waiting for Marge.  
"Hey mom," She quietly says.**

**AMBI: Acting as if nothing is wrong! The horror!****  
  
"Lisa are you ready for the science fair tomorrow?She asked.**

**CRYS: (Lisa) Define 'ready'…****  
  
"Always ready for the moments to come, mom you can count on me!"**

**BROOK: (Lenny) Yer talkin' gibberish!****  
  
"Thats good! Marge kissed Lisa and song the same sng she sung to Bart and tucked her in and then went to her own room.**

**LIBBY: The Simpson ritual is the same for each member of the species.****  
  
Homer was waiting there already for her.**

**"Oh Homer! I am so tired!"**

**AMBI: (Marge) I have a headache!****  
  
"Marge go to sleep and you will be better in the morning."**

**CRYS: Alex, what is "Something Homer would never say to Marge"?****  
  
"I hope Homer! I hope......," **

LIBBY: (Marge) See how much I'm hoping, Homer? I'm hoping! 

**She falls off to sleep before she can finish.**

**BROOK:  You know, that's a turn-off…**

**AMBI: Brook!****  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Next Day At The Science Fair   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Okay Bart! This is the moment I have been waiting for."**

**BROOK: (Lisa) Everyone is a vegetarian, no one believes in angels, and I've been advanced to the tenth grade!  
****  
Lisa had set up her booth and everything was ready just like it was the night before. **

CRYS: She set up a booth the night before? AMBI: Where were we? 

**She would start as soon as the teacher came over.  
As soon as the teacher did, Lisa explain what she wanted to do!**

AMBI: Join us next week— 

**LIBBY: We get it!****  
  
"I want to prove there is way a person can be transformed into another form of life! **

CRYS: Sorry.

**BROOK: It's been done.**

LIBBY: Lisa, ever heard of a little movie called "The Fly"? 

**Bart here,"she points to him, **

AMBI: That's right, Lisa! Bart is here! Good girl! 

**will be what I will be testing on. **

LIBBY: Must…stay…peachy… 

**Now Bart, I want you to answer all of these peoples questions! Okay? I will be setting up!"**

**CRYS: (Lisa) To take over the world! *lighting flash*****  
  
"Okay Lisa! First before anyone asks me anything I would like to tell everyone how I feel about this! **

BROOK: (Bart) This is cruel and unusual punishment! HEEEEELLLLPPPP! 

**Myy sister, Lisa, wanted to do this project for a long time and now she is finally doing it. **

AMBI: (Bart) I'm so glad she forced me to become her guinea pig! It brings a tear to my eye… *sniffs* 

**I feel like this is the biggest thing she will ever do to me. **

LIBBY: (Bart) That is, until she becomes president. 

**Every thing seems all weird and in some ways I don't trust her. **

CRYS: (Bart) But NOT because she did this to me against my will… 

**I want you to know that i feel safe in some parts of me too. **

**LIBBY: (Bart) I'm not at liberty to say which parts right now.**

AMBI: Libby! 

**I will make it through this. Now.......does anyone have any questions at all! i am willing to answer all i can! How about the man here," pointing to the front of the crowd.**

BROOK: (Man) What is the meaning of life? 

**AMBI: (Bart) Monty Python.****  
  
"Thank you! My question is what does it feel like when she turns all these things on you?"**

**CRYS: (Garth) Kinda funny. Like when we used to climb the ropes in gym class.****  
  
"I really can't tell you! i have no control over myself!"**

**LIBBY: (Bart) Watch me work my hips!****  
  
"Then who does?"**

**"Lisa does of course! She has all the right equipment to handle any thing that happens."**

**AMBI: (Bart) You know, should I get fried, boiled in my own juices…Lisa is there!****  
  
"Okay everyone questions at the end! I am ready to give this to Bart!"**

LIBBY, CRYS, & BROOK: Ewwww! 

**AMBI: You sickos!****  
  
So lisa did the same of what she did to Bart the day before. **

**BROOK: Like in _Groundhog's Day_.**

When he got to the transformation he started to change the same way but then when Lisa turned the knobs back, Barts body didn't do anything. 

CRYS: (Bart) No, Lis, the other knob. The one by your right hand.

**LIBBY: (Lisa) Oh, thanks Bart.**

**it was stuck in a monsters body. Suddenly Bart got up. **

**AMBI: Then suddenly, Bart went down again.**

**Since Bart had no control over himself this was weird.**

**LIBBY: Among other things.****  
  
He got up and started running out of the building.**

**BROOK: (Bart) I'm free! I'm free! Dangit!****  
  
"Bartttttttttttttt! **

CRYS: (Bart) Lisaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! See? I can do it, too! 

**Don't go I can change you back! I found the two wires that weren't connected!!!!!!!Lisa yelled out!**

**AMBI: When Bart looked back on that moment, he wondered: _were the wires really meant to be connected…?_****  
  
She kept yelling out to him but Bart was long gone.**

**LIBBY: Like I wish we could be.**

**CRYS: It's almost over.****  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**BROOK: Hurry, guys! We have to get in line!****  
  
Find out what happens next with my next chapter!**

**AMBI: Let's not; say we did.****  
  
hope you liked this chapter **

**CRYS: Nope.**

**BROOK: Sorry.**

**please Review and i will make the story even better than this time**

LIBBY: Why do I not believe you? AMBI: Guys, we're good to go! BROOK: Let's do it! 

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**…******

**SOL**

**(The girls come out of the theater, ready to give Jareth a piece of their minds. However, they all seem to look up at the same time; their breaths catch. The SOL is full of party decorations. There are presents, snacks, cake, ice cream, and punch on a table in the center. Music is playing; games are set up.)**

**CRYS: Wow! That crystal did wonders!**

BROOK: Happy Birthday, cos! LIBBY: Thanks, guys! AMBI: Let's party! 

Escher 13 (Jareth has the monitor set on the party that has started on the SOL. All four girls are having a great time. They're dancing and eating snacks. Jareth grins.) 

**JARETH: Happy Birthday, dear girl.**

**…**

**Author's Notes: My birthday is on February 22, so I thought, why not work it into the plot? And if you're wondering about the ending…stay tuned :)**

**Stinger: "Damn myself! I can't control myself! Myself is its on self and it ddin't mean to do anything to me!**


End file.
